Summer of body fluids

Its’s been one hell of a summer! In just the past few weeks i’ve delta with vomit, urine, shit, blood, and spit. Not to mention gallons and gallons of sweat.

Oh, if you are eating , i’d advise you to stop reading. This isn’t going to be pleasant.

So as some of you might know, China is currently in the middle of a heat wave. In fact the hottest summer for 170 years! For over a month and a half now the temperature has been hovering around 40 degrees C. Down the road in Shanghai they have even been cooking meat on the pavement.

Cooking Bacon Shanghai
我非常非常热!!! (I’m very very hot!!!)

This is something I hear almost every time I talk to a chinese person. Now if the chinese are finding it difficult to cope with the heat, imagine the suffering of the Irishman.

Chinese people try to minimise the time they stay outside. This is for two reasons , 1) It’s stupidly hot outside, and 2) In China white (pale) skin is attractive, dark skin unattractive. (you will never see a group of chinese sunbathing!). This is a strange aspect of living here for me, because at home as soon as a little sun appears, everyone heads outside.

So this brings me on to air conditioners. AC is essential here. In an ideal world I would sit all day in front of my AC in my underwear. I’m not that lucky, For the last month and a half I have started working at another school. This is a very large building with maybe 40+ classrooms, all of which are full of students. One of these classes rooms is mine. In which I must teach ninety kids over the course for 5 hours. Now this would be no problem, however, my classroom is fitted with the worse AC in the world, installed sometime during the Mao era.

The temperature outside is 40 degrees, inside this classroom I don’t even want to guess. During the 5 hours in the oven Classroom, I have 3x 10 minute breaks. As soon as break time rolls around, I dart outside as fast a possible, to cool down in the 40degree heat! Just typing this I don’t know how I’ve managed not to lose my mind this summer. As you can imagine when my classes are finished, my t-shirt has gone from a few sweat patches to just completely wet.

Ok on to the next boldly fluid.

Apple Class Pic

Jimmy is the one in the middle!

Let’s start with Jimmy. Jimmy is 7 years old, and is quite a character. Not exactly a trouble maker, lets just say he always makes my classes interesting. Last week was no exception. So I was calling the students back into the classroom after break time. Jimmy runs in while chugging on some 奶茶 (milk tea). He proceeds to start coughing, I go over to check on him, then he vomits on my feet. Luckily (?), I was wearing flip flops.

Next up Olivia.

Big classroom

Olivia is an 8 year old that I teach in the furnace classroom. This was a special day, when we actually changed classrooms, to one with great air-conditioning. The downside was that all the parents were invited to attend too. ninety students, ninety+ parents, awesome. 😦

Anyways, this incident also occurred around break time. I was playing tig with a bunch of students. I was tagged so I started running after Olivia. Suddenly she stopped, and then peed on the floor (My feet remained dry). I think she much have been over excited, and couldn’t control her self. She looked down, then up and me, put her finger to her lip. She didn’t want the other kids to see what happened. She was very embarrassed.

Shit one.

There is only one way to tell you this story. In the middle of the class a student shit herself. The classroom stunk for the rest of the day. No student wanted to sit on that chair. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.


nice and simple, a student once spat on my foot, another time a student spat on my face. (both accidental)

Crazy class


Another break time incident, involving little Jimmy and an older boy Tom (or Thomas Tom, as he likes to be called). As usually the students are running about singing dancing, and whatever. Then Jimmy and Tom run head first into each other. Jimmy came off worse, busted nose, blood all over the floor. As if my life isn’t exciting enough already!

I’m hoping i’ve seen the worse. The temperature will start to drop, and the students will control themselves a little better.





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